Roller Coaster

This two weeks was probably the worst of my life. Went through the lowest point of my life and it was like hell. Like a emotional roller coaster and I wasn't able to get it off. Two weeks ago received a new that Boss is going to close down the company and it just strike me so hard. I was totally lose like as in my future was destroyed. Working here was just a excuse to escape the reality world. And right now, I'm being force to face the outside world once again. I can feel there will be so many problems come crashing on me. It was so hard. Finding a new job, a good pay, a good working environment , a colleague who is good to get along, a good boss, a working timing that I can adjust to, a flexible company, all these will be so hard.. I could never suit in a 9-6 kind of job, I will just look like a zombie everyday. And I afraid that I will never be able to merge with everyone. I got just too much worries. I hate politics stuff and that's why I enjoy this job so much because there's no other staff. Just me alone here and everything is just so simple. I hope I could find a similar job but it's gonna be so impossible. And my only hope is my boss can reopen again successfully. I start worry so much everyday that I couldn't sleep well eat well and even live well. And the worst thing is the boyfriend wasn't there for me. Practically he just left because I wasn't like the usual, because I hurt him indirectly with my sadness and coldness. I thought a boyfriend of 4 years would understand me, would take this as a test, would be there for me despite my emotional times. I thought.. and its just all my thoughts. I was devastated and depressed. All negative thoughts just hit me. I am just so thankful that sister was with me all along I love you sister. Right now trying to pick myself up and settle all the stuff over here. And start looking for a new future a new life.