tears

why you don't seem to understand.
why after the talk that night, you still don't get it.
you tell me why..

i don't ask for much.
and i don't need you to make promises to me.
just do what you can, and don't make any promise if you know there is possibility that you can't.

i hate to have false hope seriously.
you want me to trust you, but why i find it so hard to do so?
these 5 months, how much thing you said, you actually do it?

we seem to be drifting apart, or is it just me?
i seem to hate myself even more.
i just feel that all the things are against me.
i seem to be blame even for the smallest thing ever.

sometimes, i just feel that i'm being very tied down.
i'm getting more disappointment than having happiness nowadays.
i don't like the way how we are now.
maybe i should not be having so much hope.


my heart hurt like fuck
and i don't know what to do now.
i want to cheer up too, but it just so difficult.
once i'm down, it just so hard to be okay again.
and i admit, sleep is just another way of escape.
once i'm awake, we no longer mention the matter anymore and left it as it is.

i hate to say what i feel.
because sometimes, it just worsen the problem.

you don't have to ask.
when it's the time, i will just tell you everything.

i look back everything,
my old post, our conversation history, your messages, our photos..
and i even went into my private blog.

where is the old us ?
when can we be like last time again?
we seem to lost it.

and i seem to be screwing up things most of the time.
i don't know how long you can still tolerant me,
because even me couldn't accept myself.


i hope that the quarrel on 26th July have never happened.
because it seem to be the one that changed us, or maybe me.

i don't wish to give up on this relationship.
because it not easy to able to walk until now.
i just hope you to know, i won't let go.

but there is times, i wish to be alone.

sigh, just let me be alone for tonight.
i can't guarantee thing will get better tomorrow,
but at least it better than right now we are making each other even more upset.


I'm sorry.